10 Things That Changed Me After the Death of a Parent

I lost both of mine two years apart; my mother much unexpected and my father rather quickly after a cancer diagnosis. My mom was the one person who could see into my soul and could call me out in the most effective way. She taught me what humanity, empathy and generosity means. My father was the sarcastic realist in the house and one of the most forgiving people I have ever met. If you wanted it straight, with zero bullshit; just go ask my dad.

Grief runs its course and it comes in stages, but I was not prepared for it to never fully go away when I experienced the death of a parent.

1.) My phone is never more than one foot away from me at bedtime, because the last time I did that I missed the call that my mother died.

2.) The very thought of my mother’s death, at times, made me physically ill for about six months after she died. I literally vomited.

3.) Their deaths have at times ripped the remainder of our family apart. I did my best to honor their wishes and sometimes that made me the bad guy. The burden of that was immense, but I understood why I was chosen. It made me stronger as a person, so for that I am grateful.

4.) I’m pissed that my son didn’t get to experience them as grandparents. I watched it five times before his birth and I feel robbed. He would have adored them and they him.

5.) I would not trade my time with them for anything, but sometimes I think it would have been easier had they died when I was very young. The memories would be less.

6.) Don’t bitch about your parents in front of me. You will get an earful about gratitude and appreciation. As a “Dead Parents Club” member, I would take your place in a heartbeat, so shut your mouth. Get some perspective on how truly fleeting life is especially if you’ve never experienced the death of a parent.