“No one told me, it feels so odd that dating feels like a vacation, while marriage feels like a job,” shares Jefferson Bethke. In his spoken word, Bethke eloquently depicts the reality of marriage — the beauty and the work.
In our “glass half full” optimistic outlook in life, we have high expectations of what marriage should be. Will be. But, when we experience the reality of marriage, we can find ourselves confused.
Watch this spoken word — a realistic view of what a godly marriage looks like
In just under four minutes, Jefferson Bethke covers deep, marital challenges including idols, divorce rate, and how to put Jesus first in your marriage.
Read Jefferson Bethke’s words on marriage from his spoken word
Disney movies and chick flicks, they’ve put us in a weird position
They distorted our reality, because we forget they’re actually fiction
Because in marriage, we either get better or bitter, either joy or remorses
What we’re doing isn’t working, just like at the rate of divorces
So how’s your marriage, I mean come on, let’s be honest
Marriage seems more like a prison than the paradise they were promised
We thought marriage was supposed to fulfill us and make us happy, not lonely
But the truth is God’s first priority is making you holy
You say, “No one told me, it feels so odd
That dating feels like a vacation, while marriage feels like a job”
Yet the secret of joy if we just pull back to façade
Is realizing most problems arise when we elevate our spouse to God
Without knowing it, we fulfilled Romans 1:25
By our actions, extremes of truth about God for a lie
We’ve exchanged God for lesser-created things
It’s like a husband trading his wife for a 2D image on a screen
Hoping it’ll set us free, justifying the fumes we’re choking
Because if your marriage rests on anything but Jesus, it’s resting on something broken
Yet guys continually sacrifice their marriage on the altar of sex and lust
I mean if our dollars were honest, they’d stay in pleasure we trust
So men, grow up, put down the controller
How about you lead her with grace instead of trying to control her
Now I’ve never been married, but I’m a product of one that was nonexistent
So don’t tell me I don’t understand the pain, don’t tell me I don’t get it
So for the singles, become friends first before you ever become lovers
Pursue Jesus as your foundation before you get under the covers
Because, believe me, a strong friendship before marriage will make a good marriage after
Marriage isn’t just sex, it’s conversation and laughter
I mean some spouses barely even like each other, and the marriage seems like a dead end
You might share a checkbook and a house, but are you actually friends?
I mean, if marriage isn’t a commitment, then what’s the point of the vows we say?
“‘Til death do us part” really means “Until the feelings go away”
Like, I’ll stay with him, but only until it gets tough and my love shifts
But I say imagine if a parent took that perspective with their kids
Like can’t you see it? The minute the kid spills something on the floor
The mom’s saying, “Forget it, I don’t even love you anymore”
No, it’s just like marriage, to last you need the strength from above
Because it’s not love that sustains the promise, it’s the promise that sustains the love
I mean think about it, out of anyone, who’s actually had the right to leave?
God had every reason in the world that he still came for you and me
And on the cross he paid it all, took our shame, and set us free
When he could’ve called the legions of angels, he chose to stay on that tree
From the cross, he looks you in the eye and says I’m taking this from my bride
When you trust in me, you no longer have to hide
Because of me, it is finished, you’ve been made new
You’re spotless, you’re blameless, there’s no sin in you
Because his death was a proposal, he wanted you no matter the cost
Where some guys propose on the knee, Jesus proposed on a cross
So read Ephesians 5, whether husband or wife
Wife honor your husband, husbands give up your life
Just like Jesus gave himself up for his bride: the church
So men, lead by serving by putting her first
So die to self, put your flesh on a life sentence
Because you don’t fall out of love as much as you fall out of repentance